It’s time to lay self destruction to rest. Actually, drown that hater because it’s vital for our survival. Cremate it and don’t dare memorialize it. Here’s to the end of our self-saboteurs: those nasty, defeatist and idiotic versions of our lowest, fearful selves that leech off insecurities and past mistakes. They live in our misery, thrive off self pity and are our biggest lies. Message! It is not a self-fulfilling prophecy to amount to nothing and be a waste of space. It ain’t our destiny to fail or just cope; to just struggle. Girl, bye. We are grander than our teensiest perspectives, so be great already. We are not made to be perfect (whew!), so our inherent goodness deserves our attention because it’s the best we’ve got and that’s enough. We are enough. Nourish it. Believe it. We are right where we need to be for brilliance to strike because we are stars. But can we see it or conceive of it? Or are we comfortable in the crappy place?
I fail often. It’s par the course for my humanity. I hurt myself and the ones I love, intentionally or otherwise, then occasionally boast about it as strength and/or justify the crap until my ego eventually turns on me glaringly, making room for shame, remorse and angst. And how do I keep the cycle going, you might ask? By believing I ain’t shit, lying to myself that I can’t help it, or that s/he deserved it because they hurt me. Sad thing is I often set up situations where I end up losing myself into the cray cray, so I can be right about being wrong. Instead of soothing my inner child and empowering her to be her best, I diss her and set her ablaze so that she continually reeks havoc in my marriage, career and other myriad relationships, including the most sacred one I have with myself. So, um yeah, not cool and so very far from growth and enrichment. This is why I’m imploring you to get free from your self-saboteur as I abandon mine in the sunken place.
We are not our situations. We are not our outputs or incomes. We ain’t our worst days or epic disappointments. We aren’t even our parents, for better or worse. We are magic and we change daily. But we get to direct the current y’all! We belong to us and must nurture our gentleness, humility, curiosity and softness. Our possibilities for excellence and presence abound. As a fierce Black woman, I have a right to exist and speak up and out, but if I let the saboteur reign, everyone suffers and I will eventually murk myself. This damning cycle has been perfected miserably at this point and as a long time fighter, I refuse to go out like that. Be abundant with me. Let’s clear the sorries and what ifs to permit each other to be fab. Let’s make amends, move on and really mean it. Affirm yourselves! Be yourselves! Accept that you just are. Forgiveness and acceptance are required and I’m down for that long, beneficial toil. Walk with me. Our legacy of love awaits.