Yo! So on this issue of enough. Gratefully, I’m in a self-giving space today that is based in memory and proof, but is also grounded in this present moment. For my entire life I’ve been fed mixed messages about the pieces of myself I should value vs. the parts I should throw away. The fact that I should anything is in itself problematic, but this idea of what’s enough and what isn’t leaves me empty and longing. Do you find this to be the case in your life; that what you should be or should do is never enough? It’s tiring and defeatist. It’s also impossibly toxic and futile to compete with oneself or others in a world that establishes ambiguous constructs to feel important, oppress others, mask insecurities and escape the now i.e. what matters most and what’s really real.
So I’ve taken some inventory of where I’ve let the enough dismantle my power. Some of them are:
I’m not old or young enough. Loved enough. Christian or spiritual enough. Patient enough. Wise enough. Not thick enough, thin enough. Tall enough. Not smart enough. Not dark/light enough. I’m not Black enough. My hair’s not kinky, long, short, straight or wavy enough. Teeth ain’t white enough. Not interesting enough. Angry enough. Calm enough. I don’t code-switch or play the game enough. Sell out enough. Hold my ground enough. I don’t demand enough. Advocate enough. I don’t stay woke or conscious enough. I don’t shut up enough. I’m not pretty or sexy enough. I don’t lie enough. Compromise enough. I don’t earn enough. Buy enough. I’m not straight enough. Not gay enough. Not masculine or feminine enough. Not bossy enough. Not following enough. Serving enough. Writing enough. Taking charge enough. Doing enough. Not poised enough. Cultured enough. Hood enough. Wordly enough. Push back enough. Likeable enough. Apologetic enough. I’m not strong enough. I’m not organized enough. I’m not winning enough. I ain’t building enough. Not fucking enough. Not romantic enough. Not desired enough. Not present enough. Not established enough. Not down enough. Not respected enough. I don’t prepare enough. Save enough. Balance enough. Invest enough. I don’t endure pain or pleasure enough. Make space for babies enough. Change enough. Slow down enough. Run fast enough. Communicate enough. Make moves enough. Increase my social capital enough. I don’t defer enough. I’m not aware enough. Accepted enough. I can’t be enough.
This list could be endless. I’ve acted out these stories for a lifetime because of hurt, losses, struggles and comparisons. I’ve also experienced self defeat as a result of significant accomplishments and gains in my life. In those moments I let fear of failure, high expectations and what ifs slip in. But the not enoughs are all lies! They are tricks of the mind, ego and other people’s made-up realities that sow imbalance and internal discord. They’re poor coping strategies which breed misery and depression. Anxiety. In this place of diminished value, I have warred with myself and countless others because I don’t cultivate self-acceptance, peace or joy. Not only do I look externally for a fix, discounting all that is naturally and seamlessly abounding and connected within, but I also block my ability to see who and what is for me. I’ve hurt myself and many others this way. Even when I’m winning I choose not to fully absorb the beautiful moments and the possibilities because I tend to get stuck in the race and the untruth of self-hate. What’s real, what has always been true is that I am enough. Fam, you, too are enough.
Yes it’s fine to analyze, push ourselves and set goals or break barriers. We gotta self-regulate though. Ask ourselves why we believe we don’t matter and remember where we first overtly or inconspicuously learned that we didn’t. We must arrive at some balance and determine that where we live, what we post, who we fuck, who likes us, who vouches for us, endorses us, avoids us, lives for us, beefs with us, blocks us, how much we make, what we do, what we wear or what we acquire does not define us. Instead of I am not, try I am. Nothing needs to precede or follow I am to prove our worth. It’s not simple always, but it gets easier to live in that truth if we practice this often and authentically. No one else should be diminished by this truth either, so be mindful of where you take up space or use power over others to feel relevant. We also must enlist a posse that won’t let us kill ourselves trying to keep up with shit that doesn’t matter and that never did. Real talk: if we don’t achieve this harmonious balance and instead look for everything finite to define our worth, it still won’t ever be enough. Don’t go mad chasing the fake. Let’s stop believing the lie and in turn fabricating for ourselves that we aren’t enough. We are. Now go be.